Thursday, December 28, 2006

amazing gifts

so the last entry i was bemoaning the idea of forced gift-giving. I was down on the whole thing based on how hyped up the ladies on a talk show were and just the ick factor of giving to impress or keeping up with the neighbors. It really got me down taking in that information. you know who was the loser? Me! yeah, that's right. i decided not to fall into the American commercial trap. i on purpose became the dour one. the bah humbug. i lost. because i rejected the idea of gift giving i rejected all the others who were giving. All of my friends around me, my husband, my family. I rejected them. What a learning. Here's how it happened. I went to the post office to pick up my mail and I had a package waiting for me from a name i didn't recognize. I was so confused. Super neat handwriting, unknown name, unknown address. I accepted the package and as I drove home racked my brain...who knows that i am here? where did this come from? The curiosity overcame me. I opened the brown cardboard box carefully taped at all seams. As I pulled back the flaps I saw white tissue paper and then the card. It hit me. It was from this great girl with whom I worked this summer. We only had a few days that we worked but I loved getting to know her. She left town to travel a bit and then I left to travel for a month or so and we didn't really get to say good bye. She had gone through her closet and found a skirt that she just didn't wear but thought of me. She thought I would like it and so she wrapped it up and sent it to me with a super note. Out of the blue i got the chance to reconnect. that is what this season is all about to me. It took the kindness of a friend out of the blue to reconnect me to what I love about life. Connection with others. I am so thankful for this lady! She shocked me out of my sour attitude. After reading the note and trying on the skirt(fit like it was made for me!) I just sat down with my jaw slacked and the tears welled. they spilled out and I was overcome with a sense of gratitude. i really have beautiful friends and a wonderful family and I want to embrace that not reject it. Sometimes you get just what you need when you least expect it.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

ever feel....

so, here i am in my office surrounded by busy bees putting up holiday decorations and i am here hiding out. i used to get into all of the hub bub of lights and presents and the whole thing. I am just not there. I haven't been in that frame of mind for a few years now. I am not depressed, this season is not a downer for me. I am just not there. I am currently in south Florida, that could have something to do with it, and i no longer see the point. i was listening to a radio broadcast of a silly talk show that was debating how to give gifts. so folks like to over give and some get nervous that they will offend their friends. What in the World? I thought the whole thing was awful. who worries about such things? Why would anyone worry that their gift wasn't good enough. that to me says that they are worried that they are not good enough. one woman said that she overbuys and wraps all the gifts brings all of them in the car takes half of them in and depending on how much the other friend gives she may or may not go back to the car and bring in more. this is giving for the sake of competition. Is this a class thing? Is it because i don't run with the money crowd that i don't see this? Is this yet another thing people can point to and say, "the Americans, yuck"?
Do you ever feel like you just don't fit in at Christmas?
Should I be worried that the recipients of my gifts are judging me? Am I the one in the bubble? All the thoughtful yet single gifts that i sent out over the world to friends and family, is that not enough? should i be running out to the local target and buying up all sorts of things to wrap and send? Is it wrong to put on the brakes and say, "enough"?